Their Life in My Hands
by IceQueen987
Summary: A drabble on various, deep subject. Contains no pairings. Crosses over with xxxHolic and Tsubasa.
1. Puppet Master

**Today's my B-Day!! Wee! And since there's still one more month till an update, I decided to do a drabble about myself! Weather I made it up or it's real it up to you. ;P

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Their Life in My Hands

I knew I was dreaming. After all, I could never come to Yuko's shop in real life But then again, like she said in the manga, reality is defined only by what you see. So maybe I could make her shop part of my reality too? I shook my head, those thoughts spinning in my head. This was a dream, not a philosophical debate! I took a deep breath and stepped though the wooden gate tipped with crescent moons. Butterflies played in the grass. I herd yelling and giggling in the backyard. I followed the sound to the backyard. She lounged under an umbrella, wearing dark denim short, frayed at the hem of the pant legs, and a cream-colored halter top. Her night black hair was up in a ponytail, lavender wedges dangling on her feet. Her nails were painted blood red, while he lips were a soft pink. I turned her head to me as Watanuki poured her some chilled sake.

"I was wondering when you'd come." she said lazily. Watanuki looked up in shock.

"O-Oh!" He was surprised. I didn't exactly look like most of Yuko's clients. I had on my pajamas - long black pants with tiny, white poka dots all over with a matching, sleeveless deep V-neck top. I dark brown hair was messy from sleeping - well, I was still sleeping but - and my dark brown eyes were blinded by the sun.

"Get her some water Watanuki-kun; she won't drink anything else." Yuko commanded.

"Ah! Right!" Wata-kun raced off to the kitchen.

"Sit." she said, indicating a wicker chair with a black cushion on top. I obeyed and sat. The black Mokona came over and bounced into my hand. Maru and Moro were still trying to catch some of the butterflies fluttering about. I giggled and petted Mokona.

"You're even smaller and cuter in person!" I thrilled happily. Mokona giggled, blushing, and nuzzled my cheek.

"Your name?" Yuko asked. I turned to her.

"Icy"

"That's not your _true _name, is it?" I shook my head.

"Here you go." Wata-kun said, handing me a tall glass filled with perfectly clear ice water.

"Thanks Kimihiro." I said.

"Eh?! How'd you know my name?!!" Yuko laughed and Wata-kun's movements. I tried not to laugh but couldn't help it.

"The fact that you're here, which is no small feet considering your world's circumstances, means you have a wish." Yuko took a sip of her chilled sake.

"I probably do have a wish, or even wishes, but I don't know them." I said honesty. A smile crossed the witch's pale lips.

"You understand yourself very little, but understand others very well, don't you?" I nodded. Kimihiro just looked between us, confused.

"I...I think ...want to ask a question, actually. and only you can answer it." I finally said. She nodded.

"There's a price, depending on what the question is." she said.

"Alright."

"And your question?"

"I was wondering...I know that there are many worlds. And I was wondering...when you write a book, or a fanfiction, or draw a manga, do those stories...come into being in another dimension?" Silence. Maru and Moro had stopped chasing butterflies and were staring at me. Finally...

"Yes. Worlds are created from the imagination of others. Those who believe in what they write, if they nurture it, the world becomes a reality. What happens after the book closes is another matter. When you write, you hold the life of the characters in you hand; you are playing God. That is why you must be careful what you write, just like speaking. Very few people want to accept that, and simply ignore it. It is the writers who realize how valuable they are to the creatures that they create that will truly be content." I was silent, absorbing everything.

"And my price?" I asked, swallowing hard.

"You price...will be to see."

"Huh?"

"Your price to to able to see with your own eyes the characters of others and those you created yourself. And you may never tell anyone." I realized with a start how heavy the burden of the price.

* * *

"You're going to write another chapter?" Fai asked. I nodded. "You're trembling."

"I know."

"Get over it already. You write almost every day!" a gruff voice said. I turned to glare at Kurogane. He sat on the opposite chair, plugged into my MP3 player. I had met Kuro and Fai, or rather Yuui, 2 years ago. They were good friends of mine now.

"Ignore Kuro-pin. He's just grumpy." Yuui reassured.

"Isn't he always grumpy?"

"I can hear you you know." Kuro growled. Yuui and I laughed. I herd my mom coming downstairs and I stopped.

"We're leaving for the mall in an hour." she said.

"'Kay." She closed the door. Of course, she couldn't see Yuui or Kuro. Only I could, as part of my price to Yuko. It was my blessing and curse. I began to write. It was like breathing to me now; easy and needed. But I knew what risks I took doing so. I held Yuui and Kuro's life in my hands, as well as the white Mokona, Sakura's, Syaoran's, and Tomoyo's, as well as my own characters, Selena. I scared me that I had so much power. Many people don't realize what power they have over reality. I do. But if I ever tell anyone, they'd probably put me in the nut house. So I keep silent and write, holding everyone's life in my hands. So I can't help but wonder who holds _my_ life? I didn't want to know.

As I sat in front of the computer, I trembled. I was always a bit afraid to write. I had made my request to Yuko a little over 3 years ago. I loved to write, but now I knew the possible consequences.


	2. Humanly Insane

**I decided to expand this series for no reason. all the topics discussed here are pretty heavy. Just FYI. Please let me know what you think about this and on the topics. This will have charecters from Tsubasa and xxxHolic mainly, but sometimes random charecters from other series will pop up.

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Humanly Insane

As I looked at the scan of Yuko disappearing, I became confused. I had seen her just yesterday at the Barbecue my family had been having, smoking her long pipe and commanding Watanuki to get chilled sake for her.

"This doesn't make sense..." I muttered.

"You're still struggling with that, aren't you?" a voice said behind me. I looked from my computer screen to see Yuko herself. Because it was summer, she wore a blood-red off-the-shoulder blouse and cream-colored shorts. On her wrist dangled half a dozen thing bangles in gold, silver and copper. An Egyptian-style gold choker adorned her neck. Her long, jet-black hair was pulling into a simple high ponytail.

"You can't be dead, since you're right here." I explained, exasperated.

"It's quite possible for me to be dead there and alive here." she replied, her ruby-red eyes looking at me. She sat herself down elegantly on my brother's bed. "The dead don't have the same restrictions that humans do."

"But I don't see the dead! I can sense them when they're in great mass, but that's it." I protested.

"Another explanation is that I am simply a projection of your ideals."

"W-What...?"

"To those who cannot see spirits, like Syaoran, Fai, your parents, etcetera, spirits do not exist. They are a figment of imagination. To you, I, Watanuki, Fai, Kurogane, Tomoyo, Syaoran, Sakura and even the Mokonas exist But, what would people say if you told them?" she asked at the end, cocking her eyebrow.

"They would...send me to the nuthouse." I replied.

"But you know you aren't insane People cannot look at you and say 'Oh, she's lost it', right?" I swallowed.

"Right."

"What matters.." She stood up. "Is what **you **define as reality. Everyone has a different view of life. What is 'normal' but the sum of realities that are most had by human beings." She walked out of the room.

"Yuko!" I called down the stairs, glad my family was out. "Does that mean I'm not human? Or that I'm insane?" I called. She simply smiled and continued to walk down the stairs, her feet making no noise on the creaky step at the bottom.

_Does this mean I'm insane? ...Or not human? ....Or that I am sane, I am human, just with a different, more uncommon life?_


	3. Every Lonely Girl's Wish

**I'll say this right now; this is how I feel. I don't really need pity, but I want everyone who reads this to understand how deeply being alone can hurt someone. So next time you see someone all by themself, go to them and give them company. Just being with them can help them deeply.**

**Every Lonely Girl's Wish**

I let myself fall down onto my bed, tired out from another day at school. _Today sucked…_ Today had been Valentine's Day and, once again, I'd given my friends and gotten nothing in return. It was as if they expected it and didn't care about my efforts. Sure, they were happy to get it, but in only minutes, they'd move on and all that would be left would be the cellophane. Worse still, in my opinion, was that no guy told me he liked me.

"It's not fair." I said quietly, my voice cracking just a bit, as I crossed my arms over my eyes. "All I'm asking for is someone to love me."

"But there **are** those who love you." a melodious voice stated. I moved my arms away to stare at Tomoyo's violet-colored ones.

"Who? Cause I sure as hell can't find them." I replied bitterly.

"Well, me, for one, and Sakura-chan, Syaoran-kun, Fai-kun, Kuro, Moko-chan and Mokona as well as Yuko-san and Watanuki-kun, Himawari-chan and Domeki-kun. Even Selena-chan cares for you, despite the fact you two get into a lot of fights."

"But it's not the same!!!" I exploded, sitting up. "I want someone who will love me no matter what! Someone who only has eyes for me! Someone who's my freaking soul mate!!!!" I yelled in her face. Tomoyo simple looked at me calmly. Tears were running down my face now. "It hurts. You have no idea how much it hurts to look and look, hope and wait, and to never get your one, true wish fulfilled." I sobbed. "No one even cares… that I'm so lonely. It doesn't matter how many times people tell me I'm pretty or smart; I just don't feel that way. I know it's shallow and stupid, but I want someone to look at me with love and tell me those things, not my family or my friends." I was leaning forward now, my head in Tomoyo's lap

"You're right; I can't understand how painful it is to watch everyone else be with someone while you have no one. I've been lucky enough to always have Kuro's love while you've had no one. I won't tell you to wait and be patient, that's you'll be rewarded one day, because I know you don't care." I chocked on my tears as Tomoyo began to stroke my hair. "But I can promise you this; when you find him, he'll love you more than anyone, and I'm sure he'll never leave you alone again."

"It hurts…" I whimper. "Like a hole in my chest…"

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Yuui and Kurogane stand quietly outside the door, hearing everything. "There's nothing we can do. She has to wait until she found whoever it is." Kurogane says, seeing Yuui's face.

"I know but…" Yuui closes his ice-blue eyes. _Please, whatever deity is in this world, let her find her special person. Because no one should have to feel so alone. I don't want to hear herm cry so brokenly anymore._


	4. Natural Lying

**My daily life. Or is it?

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Natural Lying

I quietly watched my fellow students roam around outside the library. People talking, laughing, gossiping. They were the life blood of the school. Without them, the school was an empty shell.

"There's too many people." a gruff voice said next to me. I shifted my eyes up and to my right to meet Kuro's blood-red eyes. Even after knowing him for 3 years, those eyes still unnerved me.

"It's a _school_. This is how it's _supposed_ to be." I muttered quietly, trying not to draw attention to myself. To others, it would look like I was talking to thin air.

"Still…" I closed my book with a 'snap', stood up, and went outside the library o join my friends. I handed my newest chapter to on of my friends. She had a true knack for drawing that I envied. As my other friends absorbed themselves into talk, I leaned against the cold, white tile wall of the school.

"Hey Kuro. Do you think _I_ have any talents?" I asked quietly.

"Yeah; annoying people." he replied bluntly. It has been 6 years since I had been granted the ability to see. I closed my eyes, still tired. "But… you can bring our story to life like no one else." he added quietly. My eyes opened and I abruptly turned to stare at him in surprise. One of my friends noticed.

"You okay?" she asked.

"Oh! I'm fine." replied with a smile.

"And there you go, lying again just like the mage. No wonder you two get along so well." Kuro added irritation in his voice. _But I lie to protect myself._ I turned my attention to the other's conversation, barley listening. _I guess I am a bit like Yuui. I lie. I keep my feelings to myself. I put another persona out for the world to see. I keep this blessing, this curse, a secret. I a way, I am _exactly _like Yuui._

"Minus the extremely emo past." I muttered. I saw Kuro smirk out of the corner of my eye.


	5. The Many Facets of Love

**This is a very serious piece. I want everyone who reads it really think about what I wrote and not jump to conclusions like most do.

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**The Many Facets of Love**

I sat quietly, tears of pain and understanding falling silently down my cheeks. I had become a master of silent crying. It's what you had to learn to do in this world. And quickly. My chest hurt with the revelations.

"Icy-san? Are you okay?" Kimihiro asked, coming into my room and sitting on the edge of my bed. I shook my head mutely. If I made any noise, I would start bawling. And then my mom would come. And I didn't want to say to anyone what I'd figured out and had finally admitted to myself after 2 years.

I was in love. But not in the way most people associated the word with. When you said 'love', people think of kissing, snuggling at night, hearts, flowers, chocolates. This wasn't the kind of love I felt now. What I felt way the other half of the word 'love' that few people knew or cared to understand nowadays; wanting to be near the person, to see them succeed, to revel in their victories and grieve with them in their defeat. This was the love I felt.

A dusky lavender silk kimono covered me, a burnt gold sash keeping the foreign garment in place. It had been the first gift my boyfriend had given me. But the slap on the face was that _he_ wasn't the one I loved; it was _her_. The girl I'd bumped into as a group of girls waited for the auditorium doors to open for the spring musical auditions. The girl with the carrier bag emblazoned with Syaoran of Tsubasa. The girl I'd met 4 years after my gift- some may say curse- of seeing those of other dimensions.

And now, as soon as I'd figured out what I had been surreptitiously avoiding, I would probably never see her again. Would I tell her? No. She wasn't like most people. She listened patiently and considered everything logically. She knew that love had so many levels, so many meanings. To jump from 'friendship' to 'romantic/sexual love' was as absurd to her as it was to me. I bit my lip.

I would technically see her again, but it wouldn't be the same. She would change. I would change. We would forever be connected by 2 years of memories but our hearts would change. Our souls would change. It was inevitable. Chang was the only constant thing. The pain would stop. I would find my soul mate, my special someone and hopefully she would too. But that was in the future. The 'now' was filled with pain and hesitation and loneliness and uncertainty.

"Can I be alone?" I whispered. Kimihiro handed me several tissues before doing as I asked. I stared out my window into the lush green forest, barley seeing, keeping quiet.

_Just one more time. I want to see you just once more and thank you. Maybe tell you. Will you understand what type of love I feel for you, or will you misunderstand and run? What will be your reaction? I need to know before I go. I need to thank you for your friendship, for dealing with my personality, the polar opposite of yours. And I want to thank you for letting my know how love _really_ feels like so that, when I find him, I'll be able to know it's true love and not just lust._

The silk of my kimono made a barely audible rustle as I lay on my side. _I'm sorry _._


	6. The Many Facets of Love Part 2

**This is the conclusion to the whole situation unless something else happens.

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The Many Facets of Love Part 2

I bit my lip as the two of us were led to a private room to talk. The one I cared for the most and I were at a mutual friend's house. I had decided to tell her how I felt and lave it up to her do decide what to do. Our friend opened up the door to her room, which was unoccupied at the moment. She had another guest who was downstairs. I was on a time limit; only 10 minutes do decide if I would stay quite or tell. And then it would be good-bye. Our friend began to leave and I yelled how I wanted her wall scroll of Chi from the series from Chobits as my special person sat silently on our mutual friend's bed. I closed the door and sat on the ground beneath her, amongst fuzzy pillows.

"So what's up?" she asked. You could cut the tension with a knife. It was always this way with the two of us, ever since we first met two years ago.

"Well…" I hesitated, looking at the ground. Kurogane leaned against the closet door, observing the two of us. He had insisted he come with me and help me see this through. "I first wanted to say 'good-bye'. And also 'thank you'." I finally spat out.

"For what?" she asked, genuinely interested, though her face was a smooth as stone. He fiddled with the headphones hooked around her neck like a necklace.

"For teaching me a lot of things. About patience, compromise, friendship." I trailed. I felt my courage leave me. She was the only one who could leave me so vulnerable.

"Is that all?" she asked, confused. She obviously expected something more.

"Tell her." Kurogane pressed his gaze on me intense. "She'll understand." _But I'm afraid. I'm a coward._

"Well…there's something else, but…I…I'm not sure I want to tell you."

"If you don't want to talk about it, you don't have to." My heart clenched. _Maybe she doesn't care about me at all._ Kurogane seemed to know what I was thinking and glared at me.

"I want to, but I'm not sure… how you'll take it…" I muttered at the end. She waited patiently. "Well, let's start with this. You know there are all kinds of love, right?" She nodded. "Well, they can be put into two rough categories. One is what most people think of love; kissing, romance, heart, chocolates, flowers…" She made a face, but nodded. "Well… that's romantic love. Duh. But there's… another type. It's where you just want the person to be happy and successful and you want to be near that person. But it's not romantic or anything! It's usually called an innocent love. And…well… that's how I feel about you. I love you." I muttered at the end, looking up at her directly for the first time. Her face stayed calm, but her eyes widened in surprised. "Do you hate me now?" asked quietly.

"No."

"I'm sorry."

"Why should you be sorry about how you feel? I understand. And I can accept your feelings."

"Really?" I can't help but be surprised. "Then how do you feel?"

"About you going to college or you?"

"Both I guess."

"I can't really tell you how I feel, since I'm sure myself. The hardest person to know is yourself." she replied, a very faint flush of embarrassment on her cheeks.

"I'm sorry! I made it worse!" I apologized.

"Quite groveling!" Kurogane snapped. I saw her blush deepen a bit as I apologized out of the corner of my eyes. We talked about a few other things, but they were frivolous compared to the relief I felt.

As I drove home half an hour later, Kurogane sitting next to me, I couldn't stop smiling. _I'll do all I can to become better. I'll keep her lessons close to me and become better. And then maybe God will give me my soul mate._

"I think you made start to really think about how she feels about you." Kurogane suddenly said. I looked at him in confusion at the stop sign, but he kept staring out of his window, his face unreadable.

**

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Yes, I did tell her and she accepted how I felt. She truely is a kind person. It seems there's no hope for cruel, selfish people such as myself. And I have a feeling she loves someone else anyway. It's innocent love again, and it's for a different girl. They cosplay together a lot and are 6 yeas apart. I have a feeling she'll care for me the way I care for her, but her happiness is more important.


	7. SelfLoathing and SelfLove

**Self-Loathing and Self-Love**

I glare at the image in the mirror. I hate it more than anything. 'Why did this happen to me?' I ask the image. 'Why did I have to feel love for the first time this way?' The image doesn't answer. In the back of my mind, I can see the image of myself as a child; small, meek, tormented by others simply for being smarter, more curious. I ball my hands up into fists and turn away, locking the door to my room. I'm shaking with self-loathing. But also self-pity and a broken heart. The one I had told I loved didn't love me back. And they said they never could. I knew this would happen and yet I pushed the line to get my resolve.

'I hate myself.' I think bitterly. I can see my younger self, like a ghost, sitting on the floor, looking at me with confused and fearful eyes. But they were also trust-filled. I grab the sword given to me by my first swordsman teacher and hold it tight in my fist, my teeth gritted in anger and pain. 'I HATE YOU!' I scream wordlessly, spinning to my younger self's ghost and start slashing. In only three strokes she's gone for my sight. But not from myself. It's not easy to kill yourself inside. People try all the time and fail miserably. I wordlessly fall to my knees, screaming silently so my dorm mates won't hear. I clutch my head, wanting nothing more than to physically cut out my metaphorical "heart" and throw it away. My sword falls from my shaking hands and I clutch my head tears of hatred and heart ache falling.

I'm breathing quite but hard through my mouth, something I thought only happened in anime or manga as an exaggeration. My body's shaking so bad it's as if I'll fall to pieces. 'Make it stop. Make it all STOP!' My body tenses, trying to keep myself together, though I know in the back of my head that simply trembling won't make my body fall to pieces. I fall back, surrendering to the pain and tears and self-hate. Had I really hated myself so much all these years? I know the answer; yes. I was the one I hated more than anything or anyone. I was weak. I was emotional. I was dependent hidden by false independence. I suffered and I lied about the suffering. How many scars did I really have? 20? 50? 100? So many I couldn't count? And how many had been self-inflicted?

I raise my hand and shakily trace the "tattoo" on my left wrist and then my right. On the left, pure white twining like the vines you would draw in grade school to be "cool". On my right, the same, but in black with a thin line of white in the black. No one but I could see these tattoos. But it was because of the ones with the same tattoos on their wrists that I am alive today. I let my arms fall.

'Why am I even here?' I mouth to the ceiling. 'Why am I here?' I close my eyes. 'Am I really a mistake?'

'You never learn, do you sister?' the answer comes from a familiar male voice. 'From your darkest times come your brightest moments. And Father never makes a mistake. The fact that you feel what humanity has trained itself to ignore is proof.' I stay silent, still shaking. 'Do you know _why_ you hate yourself so deeply?' And then the shaking stops as realization dawns so obviously it was proof I was stupid.

'I don't…love my…self…' I whisper now, so quite, so profound and yet so deeply earth-shattering. 'I let…everyone…make me think…I shouldn't…be loved…'

'And how can you expect anyone to love you when you don't even love yourself sister. Father gave you a deep capability to love and hate. But you've let hate consume you for 12 years. There's a reason why your parents wondered how such a happy, smiling baby become so bitter and jaded.' I turn to my side and sob.

'I-It all my-my fault! My-My fault that…I can't feel…anything… ah…!" I sob in pain and realization now, my heart torn to bloody shreds at this point. I want to feel again. More than anything. Not through my stories. Not through a mask I made. But from my own heart, no matter how messy and broken it is. My brother leaves now and I'm alone.

I cry on the floor for so long, I'm not sure who I am anymore. All I know is that it hurts. Finally I calm down. I'm half-asleep, outside it dark, but the lights of the room are on. Yet for my vision, they're dim. 'I'm glad you're finally growing up.' my dark self says. 'I was worried you'd always be broken.' I don't respond. My body won't move anymore. 'Self-acceptance is easy. Self-love is hard. I've known what your problem way as soon as I met you. And now, 7 years later, you're finally going to heal. I know you will. After all, I _am_ your dark side.' she adds at the ends.

'Artimis.' I whisper.

'Yes?'

'I can't move.'

'Then I'll carry you. Just like your bother carried so many others.' Artimis scoops me up and puts me into bed. She turns off the lights. She comes and lays beside me in the small bed, her brown eyes, identical to mine, having deep wisdom. 'Good night sis. I love you, even if you can't feel it yet. I guess you falling in love was a good thing after all.' She kissed my brown hair, identical to hers. I close my eyes.

A miracle had happened. Because Artimis had been able to physically move my body and turn off the lights all on her own.


	8. A Daily Schedule

**Something I did after reading Asuka Neko's Horitsuba verion.**

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A Daily Schedule

8 A.M

Icy's alarm clock went off. Instead of turning it off herself, Fai did it for her.

9 AM

Syaoran found _King Lear_ almost as fascinating as the ruins of Clow. Kurogane and Icy didn't.

10 AM

Kurogane liked learning how the economy of Icy's dimension worked and telling his wife about it. He just had to make sure no one else found out about it.

11 AM

Lunch was a peaceful time for Sakura and Tomoyo. They got to chat as they men cared for the children.

12 PM

Finally the men get to eat. Syaoran forgot his lunch, so Watanuki shared with him. When Fai tried to do the same with Kurogane, Kurogane punched him.

1 PM

Fai was surprisingly good at Accounting. Everyone else just got dizzy.

2 PM

Kurogane refused to take a nap, stating it was for little kids. He ended up falling asleep next to Icy and Tomoyo anyway.

3 PM

Almost everyone was reading something; a book, textbook or website. Only Mokona felt the need to play cross-dimensional Uno with Yuko and the black Mokona.

4 PM

Mokona stopped playing Uno after it was thrown out the window. Guess who did it and no, it wasn't Kurogane.

5 PM

Dinner was always loud as everyone would join together and take up almost all the tables. The eating also included illicit drinking thanks to Yuko.

6 PM

After covering the floor with a bunch of pillows, it was movie time. Tonight was girl's choice. Thus, _Titanic_ was shoved down the guy's throats for the 100th time.

7 PM

After being yelled at for censoring the –almost- sex scene, Syaoran is kicked out.

8 PM

Icy embarrasses everyone by watching _Tsubasa_ and _xxxHolic_. Except Yuko's who's busy ordering Watanuki to get more vodka.

9PM

It's decided tonight Kurogane will sleep over as punishment for **still** not repaying Yuko for Valentine's Day.

10 PM

Everyone departs and Icy and Kurogane go to bed.

11 PM

Icy is still tossing and turning, driving Kurogane up a wall.

12 AM

Finally, Icy falls asleep.

1 AM

Kurogane would never admit it out loud, but he thought Icy was cute in her sleep. He then proceeded to bang his head on a wall.

2 AM

Not being able to sleep still, Kurogane watches his guilty pleasure online; Panty and Stocking with Garterbelt.

3 AM

Fai comes in and Kurogane slams the laptop closed, red-faced.

4 AM

Fai falls asleep on the bed next to Icy again.

5AM

Kurogane finally feels tired and goes to bed to, back to back with Fai.

6AM

Silence fills the room. The small rays of dawn start to come.

7AM

Syaoran comes in, looking for Kurogane for the early morning sword practice, upon seeing the scene, he leaves, muttering about a threesome.

8AM

The alarm clock goes off. It's thrown against the wall.

"That was the 5th one you know. You're paying for the new one."

"Whatever."


	9. The Dream

**The Dream**

"I think it's time…that I ended my dream." I said quietly, hugging one of the few stuffed animals I had from my childhood.

"What do you mean Icy-san?" Syaoran asked, confused.

"I mean Syaoran…that I'm going to give up my ability to see you and everyone."

"Why all of a sudden?" Kuro asked, raising an eyebrow.

"For a long time…I've been cocooned and protected by my dreams and wishes. Before that, when I was little, my parents protected me. Then I started school and was almost killed inside from the other's cruelty." I look up at them. "And I ran like a coward as soon as I could."

"So you're going to just dump us?" Kuro demanded, getting in my face.

"No." I replied calmly, looking into his familiar bloody eyes. "I'm going to start my next step in my life. I refuse to run away anymore; I want it to end." Yuui put a hand gently on Kuro's shoulder.

"We understand. But we'll miss you you know." he said.

"I know. But…I've decided." I sighed at the end.

"I'll miss dressing you up." Tomoyo said, wrapping her arms around me from the side. "It's always fun to see your cute, flustered face whenever I make new outfits for you."

"Sadist." Kuro mumbled.

"No sex for you tonight!" Tomoyo yelled, making me and Fai giggle while Sayoran and Sakura blushed.

"I'll miss you guys too. And it's not going to be all at once you know. It'll be little by little."

"What was the price?" Kuro asked, serious. I said nothing. He sighed.

* * *

I leaned against my headboard, sighing. My dress was spread out around me; pale, faded pink and hints of sparkling blue shot through everything. "'The dream must end.' So shockingly appropriate." I muttered. "Right…Yuko-sensei?"


	10. Peices of Me in the Moonlight

**Peices of Me in the Moonlight**

_So many versions of me..._

I sat, quiet and still, my dress floating around me. It was white and long, trimmed with silver, the whole design Greecian.

_There are so many facets of me._

The shy me that wanted to be accepted and loved by all; the people-pleaser.

The strong me that didn't give a damn about anyone and their opinions; the warrioress.

The fragile me that could break at the slightest touch, the smallest pain.

The childish me who wanted to play and laugh and have no cares in the world.

The adult me who understood the gravity of choice and responsibility.

_And then there's..._

The me that is not me and the me that is me in the dark.

The me that is me in the dark is wise and knowlegable. She balences me; whatever I feel in a moment she feels the opposite. She is the me that comes in the night and asks if I will be able to continue on tomorrow.

The me that is not me is another person entirly. She has had her own life, her own experiences, her own dreams and loves and pain and loss. And yet, somehow, I feel that we are the same person. It wasn't rational, but if was how I felt.

_There are so many peices of me. When did I become so complex?_ I turned my face, looking to the moon that was directly above me, bathing me in pretty moonbeams.

_So this is what it's like to change._


End file.
